Guides
The wedding
guest list.
Every other guest list is an administrative problem. A wedding guest list is a political one, and pretending otherwise is why it takes people three months.
- Four hard decisions
- One timeline
- No spreadsheet
How do you make a wedding guest list?
Write the number down before any names. Sort every name into must, want, would-be-nice. Then cut by category, never by individual — "no colleagues" is a policy anyone can repeat, "not Sarah from work" is a verdict on Sarah. Give each set of parents a fixed allocation and let them choose within it; that single device moves the hardest argument off your desk.
01
Why this one is different.
A birthday list is a question of who you want there. A wedding list is a negotiation involving at least four people who all believe they have standing, at least two of whom are paying for something, and a venue capacity that is not negotiable at all.
Which means the useful advice is not about spreadsheets. It is about deciding things in an order that stops the same conversation happening eleven times.
02
The four decisions, in this order.
Taken out of order, each one reopens the last. Taken in order, most of them settle in a single afternoon.
The number, before any names
Venue capacity or budget, written down, before a single name is discussed. Without it every cut is arbitrary and every argument is winnable by whoever cares most in the room.
Who gets to add names
Both sets of parents, or neither. A fixed allocation each — say forty — and they choose within it. This converts a negotiation with your parents into an arithmetic problem for your parents, and it is the single most effective device on this page.
The plus-one rule, stated in one sentence
Partners only, named partners, or everyone. If you cannot state it in one sentence it is not a rule, and you will be relitigating it per guest for two months. Then apply it to both sides identically.
The children rule
All, none, or family only. It has the largest single effect on both cost and atmosphere, and it needs deciding before invitations are addressed rather than after someone asks.
03
The timeline, first draft to final count.
| Quando | What | The thing people get wrong |
|---|---|---|
| 9 a 12 meses antes | First draft, against the number | Writing names before writing the number |
| 8 meses antes | Parents' allocations agreed | Leaving this open — it never closes on its own |
| 7 a 8 meses antes | Collect addresses | Leaving it to invitation time, when it becomes the bottleneck |
| 7 meses antes | Save-the-dates to the settled list | Sending to anyone you are not certain about — a save-the-date is a promise |
| 3 meses antes | Final list locked; B-list decided | Reopening one name, which reopens all of them |
| 8 semanas antes | Invitations sent | Ambiguous addressing on plus-ones and children |
| 4 semanas antes | RSVP deadline | Printing the venue's own deadline, leaving no chasing week |
| 3 semanas antes | Chase, then personal calls | Chasing everyone rather than only non-repliers |
| 2 semanas antes | Final numbers to the venue | Discovering the dietary requirements were never per-person |
04
The B-list, done without cruelty.
- It is normal and widely used. The problem is never having one; it is having one that is visible.
- Send the second wave within two weeks of the first. An invitation arriving a month later is noticed, and being visibly second choice is worse than not being asked.
- If your reserve invitations would land noticeably later, cut the list properly instead. That is the honest test of whether your B-list is workable.
- Never tell anyone there is one. Including, particularly, people on it.
Do not cut to exactly your capacity. Not everyone invited will come — but decline rates vary far too much with distance, season and event type for any published figure to be trusted, including one from us. Invite to a number you are comfortable with if everybody accepts, then use the reserve list as declines arrive. Inviting past capacity on an assumed decline rate is a gamble with a venue-shaped downside.
05
Common questions
Do I have to invite someone because they invited me to theirs?
How do I handle a parent who keeps adding names?
What about colleagues?
Someone assumed they were invited and they are not.
How many will actually come?
Once it is settled, keep it in one place.
The list becomes your addresses, your invitations, your replies, your dietary counts and your seating plan. Evorrah holds it once — households and all — so those five things cannot drift apart.
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