The Guest Handbook
Plus-ones: who gets one,
and how to say no.
Plus-ones cause more friction per head than any other guest-list decision, and nearly all of it comes from one thing: the invitation was ambiguous about it, so the guest decided for themselves.
Who should get a plus-one at a wedding?
The usual rule is: anyone in a long-term relationship, anyone married or engaged, anyone living with a partner, and anyone in the wedding party. Beyond that it is your budget and your judgement. Whatever you decide, write the invitation so it names exactly who is invited — ambiguity is what causes the arguments, not the rule itself.
01
Decide the rule once, then apply it without exceptions.
The friction almost never comes from the policy. It comes from inconsistency — one cousin got a plus-one and another did not, and there is no visible principle separating them. A rule that is slightly stricter than people hoped, applied evenly, causes far less upset than a generous rule applied unevenly.
Write your rule down in one sentence before you address anything. If you cannot state it in one sentence, it is not a rule and you will be relitigating it per guest for the next two months.
02
Common rules, and what each one costs.
Pick one. The right choice depends on your budget and the shape of your guest list, not on etiquette.
| The rule | Who it includes | What to watch |
|---|---|---|
| Partners only | Married, engaged, or living together | Tightest and easiest to defend. Can feel harsh on a long relationship that has not moved in together. |
| Named partners | Anyone with a partner you can name | Warm and personal, and the fairest in practice. Requires you to ask, which is worth doing anyway. |
| Everyone over a threshold | Wedding party, and anyone travelling alone from far away | Kind to guests who would otherwise know nobody. Needs a clear definition of "far". |
| Plus-one for all single guests | Everybody | Most generous, most expensive, and adds the most strangers to the room. Perfectly valid if the budget allows. |
03
How to say it on the invitation.
The invitation should never leave the guest guessing. These are the three situations and the wording each one needs.
Miss Amara Okonkwoand Guest
Clear and conventional. Follow up separately to ask the guest's name so it can appear on the place card — that small courtesy is noticed.
Mr Daniel Reyesand Miss Priya Anand
Always preferable when you know the name. It tells the guest their partner is genuinely invited rather than tolerated.
Miss Amara Okonkwo
The name alone is the message, and it is the correct one — but it is also the one guests most often misread. If you are worried, a line on the details card such as "We have kept our celebration small and can only accommodate the guests named on the invitation" removes all doubt without singling anyone out.
04
When someone assumes a plus-one anyway.
It happens. Deal with it quickly and privately — the cost of delay is that it becomes a seating problem on the day, when there are no good options left.
Respond within a day
The longer an assumed plus-one goes unchallenged, the more real it becomes to the guest, and the more it costs them socially to un-invite someone they have already told. Speed is kindness here.
Be warm, be specific, and give the reason
"We would have loved to, but we are at the venue's limit and we have had to keep it to the names on the invitations" is honest and hard to argue with. A capacity limit is a fact rather than a judgement about their partner.
Do not make an exception you cannot repeat
One exception is not one exception. It is the precedent every subsequent guest will hear about, and you will spend the rest of the process explaining why they cannot have what someone else got.
Decide what happens if they bring them regardless
Rare, but plan for it: a spare seat, a plan for the meal, and a decision about who handles it on the day — which must not be you. Give it to the planner or the venue coordinator.
05
Common questions
Is it rude not to give someone a plus-one?
Should I give a plus-one to a guest who will not know anyone?
How do I ask for the plus-one's name?
What if a guest's relationship ends before the day?
Invitations that name exactly who is invited.
Ambiguity is the root of every problem on this page. Evorrah produces one invitation file per household — addressed to the people actually invited, by name — so the question never arises.
See per-guest invitations